Online, Professional Quality Relationship / Health / Spiritual Healing and Transformation

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Would You Like To Create More Satisfying Relationships?


Be Your Best Self Giving and Receiving Love?


Would You Like To Talk, So Others Will Listen?


Would You Like to Listen, So Others Will Talk?


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Learn How to Be Soul Mates Rather Than Cell Mates.

If You answered “Yes” To The Above, I Can Help You.

My name is Dr. Tim Ryan and I  believe that how we deal with our relationships is the number one factor contributing to our greater success, happiness and enrichment in life.  Relationships offer us a safe haven to restore, rejuvenate and self/other reconnect and enrich ourselves. When relationships work, life is Heaven and Beautiful.  When relationships don’t work, life is Hell and Miserable.  

Relationships provide us with the foundation to restore and grow our lives.  They provide a place to  build a sacred, nurturing predicable bond of  trust and security.  Healthy relationships also create resiliency and inspiration overcome stress and to meet all of life’s challenges.  

No One Wants Their Relationship To Be A Statistic

The sad truth is only one out of five relationships claim their relationship is completely happy and experience their relationship as a Heaven on Earth.   Statistics have shown that over fifty percent of first marriages end in divorce with declarations “I will never be in a relationship like that again” however, 64%  of second marriages end in divorce and 73% of third marriage end in divorce.


Most relationships fail, not because of making a mistake in their choice of partners, but because of mistakes in their communication patterns. They do not understand the real purpose of their relationships in the first place. Individuals and couples have been miseducated or simply don’t know how to create and maintain a secure nurturing, safe, predicable bond with their partner. 


Instead of maintaining a loving rejuvenating, wellspring of aliveness in their relationship, couples engage in negative habits of attacking and defending through criticism, complaining, defensiveness  and/or avoiding, collapsing, shutting down / stonewalling and sometimes raging at each other. 


These negative habits, as Dr. John Gottman of the Gottman Institute, A Research Based Approach to Relationship, states puts their relationship  on a downward spiral to despair leading to a 90% predictable divorce rate as well as major health issues.


Dr John Gottman, in over thirty years of research, found he could accurately predict the couples who were “Disasters” and would fail, and the couples who were “Masters” and would succeed at  having a meaningful, satisfying relationship.  He did this by inviting the couples into his lab and viewing and recording the couple’s  interactions with each other and counting the positive verses negative comments they made to each other. 


Gottman found a 1-5 ratio of positive to negative ratings  for the Disasters and a 1-5 ratio of  negative to positive ratings  for the Masters.  In other words, the couples who gave each other one positive comment to every five negative comments were doomed for divorce.  The couples who gave each other one negative to every five positive comments were the Masters in their relationships.


Couples, who lack communication skills end up in power struggles.  Gottman discovered that  65% of the conflicts are never solved because of personality differences.  These patterns also result in couples becoming emotionally isolated from each other.  The disconnections are maintained by the unconscious habitual way of reacting to each other without insight or awareness on how to change these reactive negative patterns.


Couples who are stuck in negative reactive patterns, often, also create enemy images which become self-fulfilling prophecies and lock each other into “no win” labels and sabotaging gestures. There is an psychological  principle that “Perception is Projection”  Negative perceptions become self-fulfilling prophesies.   So  how you see yourself and your partner will determine the resulting relationship you have.  In our Returning to Love Training Program, we have a process called the “Payer of Beholding” that corrects these negative perceptions and help couples become their best in the relationship.  The Prayer of Beholding helps individuals and couples forgive these enemy images and replace them with a more healthy image of themselves and their partners. 


If these negative perceptions are not corrected, couples develop and reinforce painful core wounding patterns and core shame based beliefs and identities ie.  Mr. Unappreciated who believes he can’t please anyone pairs up with Ms abandoned, who believes she is unloved uncared for no matter what and is  always disappointed. (This would be a great singles ad )  “Wanted someone to bring up my childhood wounds to that I can complete my healing process.” Must be critical, rejecting and self centered.   If we are not conscious and understand our Imago our core wounds, perceptions and beliefs only get intensified and reinforced by reactive behavior patterns.  

Adaptive Patterns: Turtles and Lightening Bolts

Harville Hendrix also identified two main patterns of personality traits Turtles and Lightening Bolts that seem to dominate couple’s interactions.   There  are however, many adaptations becoming personality traits such as “maximizers” or “minimizers,” “rebels,” or “conformist,” “pursuers” or ” avoiders,” “connectors” or “distances,” “chasers” or “runners,” over thinkers,”or over “feelers,” “spenders” or “savers,” “super responsible” or “super irresponsible”  These adaptations or personality traits are actually combinations of shadow parts hidden and/or overcompensated from childhood wounds. 


If we are Turtles, we constrict and withdraw and/or end up completely shut down,  if we are lightening bolts we expand, maximize  and tend to engage in yelling and  blowing  up reactive patterns.  We can be both maximizers and minimizers at different times.   Usually Turtles were controlled in someway and Lightening Bolts were abandoned in someway.  Both are living unconsciously when they continually reinforce their childhood wounds.


I had a couple,  both doctors, who were extreme turtles and lightening bolts with a particular twist.  The woman was raised in a home where her Mother (a turtle) was constantly abused physically and emotionally by the clients Father.  She became her Mothers advocate and constantly stood up to her Father to protect her Mother.  


As an adult, she became an extreme advocate for down trodden and abused women.   Of course she marries a turtle, but what was interesting is that her turtle husband was raised in a home where the Mother was the aggressor against the husband’s Father.  Her husband constantly watched his Father get rejected, shamed and brow beat. The husband as an adult went into a rage whenever he thought men were being discounted.  


What’s interesting is that each them were in constant conflict and a power struggle as over  women’s and men’s being victims and their rights.  They never connected their relationship struggle to their attempts to correct their childhood wounds.  


Our defensive patterns only increase our power struggle until we understand our Imago (unconscious images) as part of our soul contract and become conscious enough to assist it in the healing process.  ( See Healing Soul Contracts and The Imago )  Without understanding of our Imago and soul contracts, we continue to have the same feelings we did in childhood and end up isolated, disconnected and building heart walls instead bridges toward better understanding, healing and intimacy with our partner.


According to Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.   The purpose of relationships is the healing of childhood wounds. He states these negative patterns get triggered and activated in new relationships soon after the honey moon period wears off.  If you had core shame beliefs in childhood, your ad”adaptations will result in the beliefs you had in childhood  such as “I’m not safe and my needs don’t matter.  They operate in the unconscious with fear, anger and unresolved grief intensifying them as driving forces  until brought to the light of  consciousness and healed and resolved.


Decisions like “No one’s there for me.” “I’m always alone” ” I’m never good enough,” “I can’t do anything right” and “I can’t trust,”  become mantras written on relationship heart walls that soon become the pounding points of attack and defense that only strengthen the walls and keep couples separated, locked in and in despair.


I did not understand this in my first marriage.   I grew up in a home with two alcoholic abusive violent parents and certainly did not feel safe, understood, seen or appreciated.  I became a turtle and adapted by distancing and closing  off.   My wife grew up in a home self centered parents and did not feel cared for or supported.  She became opposite from me and adaptive by becoming a lightening bolt and aggressive.  The more I distanced the more she pursued me.   Consequently her mantra was “you don’t care about me”  “My mantra was “You don’t understand.” 


Once the wound becomes instilled in our unconscious Imago, we make decisions to adapt to protect ourselves from repeated hurt.  We unconsciously react and act out those decisions with each successive relationship.

Understanding Childhood Wounds

Many grew up in families where feelings and needs were repressed.  When we don’t know how to listen or express feelings and don’t understand how to translate feelings into needs, we limit or distort our interactions with others.   When  don’t know how to make vulnerable requests vs. demands to meet our needs,  we stay in a helpless, victim resentment mode and suffer with eventual overwhelming despair. Sometimes getting to despair is a good thing in that clients are more receptive and ready to learn.   That’s the good news because then we really are ready for change. 


The majority of  us have childhood wounds with experiences of disappointments, abandonment shame /unworthiness, as a result of unintended neglect, criticism or outright abuse. These core disappointments become core decisions and adaptive defenses (default automatic protective behavior patterns) against being hurt again in the future. “Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what your resist persists.”  Eckart Tolle


The sad fact is that relationship mistakes tend to repeat themselves when they have not been understood and corrected. Until we gain conscious awareness and we take responsibility and make conscious choices to interrupt our adaptive patterns,  we will unconscious pick, provoke or promote someone to be a certain way to fulfill our past painful childhood experiences.


We have a technique in the Returning To Love Program call “The Presence Process” originated by Eckart Tolle which helps us put a space between our triggers and reaction and contain the reactive programming.  I have combined the Presence Process with an NLP technique to make it easier to learn and more powerful and effective.


Of course, when we deny a part of our self  it becomes a shadow part and we attract it more  into our life. So the saying goes “Opposites Attract.”  Unfortunately, if you haven’t healed the original heartbreak, you tend to repeat it over, and over, and over again till the lesson is learned.


It’s the unconscious Imago’s way of getting your attention to learn or heal from past trauma. If we don’t stop projecting our past on or present and future relationships, we are destined to repeat our unresolved emotional issues from the past. Instead of healing from our past wounds, we are destined to repeat our the experience of our past wounds and past mistakes and reinforce our story (pain body) with each new relationship.  If we don’t learn from our past, we are destine to repeat it.


For many, present relationships are simply a repeat of traumatic childhood relationships – Broken Promises, Broken Dreams, Broken Trust and/or  pain regarding Controll / Abandonment Issues become “Mentally Attached Stories” and adaptions to our personalities.  Until we get help to see outside ourselves, we repeat the pattern in every future relationship  without the ability to know how to repair them to have nurturing secure bond.

Your Imago The Storehouse Containing Your Childhood Agenda

The word Imago (E-Man-Go) is a Greek word meaning composite image. Imago is conceptualized as the womb of spiritual rebirth and the unconscious storehouse of our collective memories. These stored memories constitute both our good and bad experiences.  Your Imago is part of your soul contract to find just the right person to finish you past unfinished childhood business.  For more information: (See Soul Contracts and Your Imago)


When looking at the characteristics of your partner, you may noticed that you probably picked someone who had the best and worse traits of you parents. You also noticed that you experience the same disappointments, frustrations with your partner that you had growing up in your childhood home or past relationships. In our Returning to Love Relationship Training, we believe there are no accidents – the unconscious part of you (your Imago) choose to to help you replicate your childhood wounds in order to heal them.


Unfortunately without skills and awareness of our Imago’s unconscious agenda, as Rick Warren says “First we attract then we attack,”  we more often repeat and reinforce our wounds, rather than heal and repair them. We reject our partners,  break up and find someone else to bring up the same issues all over again.  


Without knowing it, we continually repeat our patterns of attracting the people, places, and things, we need in our lives to heal.  Until we learn from our past, we are doomed to repeat it. In our Returning to Love Training Program, we teach you how to discover the nature and purpose of your Imago with “The Imago Process”  and write and rewrite their Soul Contract to help you to resolve it once and for all.  We teach you how to heal and repair your wounds rather than reinforce them. 


We also  teach you the latest skills from the latest most  powerful, research backed, relationship conflict resolution therapies  such as “The Frustration Dialogue” “Understanding the Real Purpose of Anger” and even give you a safe place and technique to discharge your rage in “The Rage Container” if needed.   We use many other techniques from such powerful therapies such as Emotionally Focused Therapy and use fast emotional pain relief methods such as META Energy Healing with  Emotionally Freedom Techniques (EFT) which can  help free you from your negative core beliefs and behaviors that keep you stuck and unfulfilled.


Individuals and Couples see results in a very few sessions.  In a few sessions  the relationship begins to return to its nurturing roots and healthy behavior and thought patterns. Individuals and couples learn how to break habitual negative patterns and reconnect with their partner from a more conscious intentional place. The goal is to teach individuals and couples how to move from a place of  reactivity and distress to a place of comfort, safety, appreciation and trust.


During the training, we also offer you a process called “The Goodbye Process”  to fully say good bye to people, places and things especially childhood beliefs and non-resourceful behaviors and say Hello to conscious, intentional intimacy enrichment relationship patterns. You learn positive intimacy building skills that promote continual success instead of continual


frustration and despair.


While Individual training in each of the latest successful relationship techniques ie Emotionally Focused Therapy by Sue Johnson, Imago Relationship Therapy by Harville Hendrix, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg as well as Emotional Freedom Techniques are not  in themselves, a “cure-all,” studies have shown that three out of four couples who undergo techniques such as The Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT)  progress into recovery mode. Sue Johnson, PhD reports that in the EFT, fully 86% of couples show significant improvements in their relationship.


I believe that by combining the best of all the most successful relationship principles and practices and techniques, putting all of them in our Returning To Love Skill Training Program, it offers individuals and couples a stronger foundation and the best chance of healing and transforming their relationships as well as maintaining their relationship success for the future.

The Returning To Love Program

In our Returning To Love program, we combine the best and most powerful techniques from the latest Successful Relationship Teachings.  We teach you a step by step method with concrete skills, you can use right away, to heal past wounds and resolve conflict.  You learn how to build a strong foundation for a secure, safe, predictable, nurturing, intimate partnership.  You also discover the real meaning behind your conflict and challenges and what you can do about it. 


We teach you how to use feelings and needs as resources to help you reach out, rather than triggers to become reactive. We show you how to have “power with” rather than “power over” or victim “power under” relationships. We teach you how to go beyond black and white thinking all or nothing thinking to becoming  an all inclusive, “win-win” with the highest good interactions,  where everyone’s needs matter.


You will learn how to navigate conflict, contain reactive patterns and successfully communicate  your desires to overcome repeated disappointment.    You will learn specific skills to reduce and contain anger, criticism, stonewalling and  chronic patterns of avoidance shut down or blow up reactions.  You will discover  how to understand and correct your adaptive emotional patterns from childhood and shadow parts leading to growth and healing of your present and past relationships.   


The Returning to Love Relationship Healing Program is based on thirty years of evidenced based successful relationship research.  I have trained and taken the best and most relevant applications from a number of state of the art, relationship healing programs such as: Imago Relationship Therapy, by Harville Hendrix Ph.D.; Mars Venus Theory by John Gray; Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D. Couples Research with Masters and Disasters by John Gottman, Ph.D.  and Emotionally Focused Therapy by Sue Johnson, Ph.D.


In our Returning to Love Program, we help couples become pro-active and align with their imago and work with each other as co-healers. We teach concrete skills to help recognize patterns of sabotage and help you get back on track with insight and skills for emotional re-bonding and stop the downward cycle.

The Returning To Love Program Offers Safe Ways To Contain Reactive Behavior Patterns So That Individuals And Couples Can Better Navigate Conflict And Overcome Relationship Challenges.

I love upgrading the world by transforming relationships. individuals and couples become compassionate beneficial presences and up-grade their surroundings by the very nature of their loving meaningful connections.

Within a very few sessions, I can help you to better understand yourself and your partner, so that you see your problems differently. I can show you how to communicate more authentically and compassionately, so you can resolve your present conflict and have a more meaningful partnership. These skills are for life and have help thousands of individuals and couples to have more meaningful and satisfying relationships.

In Six To Twelve Weeks, You Can

You Will Experience Your  Relationship In An Entirely New Way.

I Offer A Different Approach

Not only do I specialize in the most powerful relationship skill training techniques in couples therapy, I also help you see your relationships from a broader perspective to see it as a “Soul Contract.”   In the Returning to Love Program, we teach you about your Soul Contracts and your Imago.   Harville Hendrix developed a long and short form called “The Imago Process” to help couples discover and begin the healing process of their Imago Soul Contracts.

Who Can Benefit?

Couples New or Long Term In Crisis or In Love Married or Unmarried At the Beginning or Struggling to Prevent The End 

Join Us Your Life Will Change In Ways You Never Imagined!

The Returning to Love Intimacy Training is a blend of the latest most powerful transformation of consciousness and language patterns to help individuals and couples, parents and children become more authentic and empathic and have more meaningful quality connections in their relationships.


All of our advanced communication techniques allow you to transform conflict into understanding and collaboration. We teach you concrete skills that allow everyone’s needs to matter. Compassionate Listening using the principles of NVC, Imago Shadow work and many state of the art proven therapies teach you a step by step method in practical skills to deal with issues in the present and resolve issues from the past.

Our Returning to Love Program Integrates

The Best Principles and Practices from:


Emotionally Focused Therapy: Sue Johnson


Principles of NVC Compassionate Listening Marshal Rosenberg


Imago Relationship Training

Shadow Work and Understanding Your Imago  Harville Hendrix


“Masters vs. Disasters”

 John Gottman’s Relationship



Love Language” Gary Chapman


“The Presence Process” Eckhart Tolle

“The Learning State”   NLP Research


Men Are From Mars and Women are From Venus” John Gray


“The Amends Process” Timothy Ryan

And much more!

Compassionate Dialogue

In our Returning to Love Training Program, the foundation is based on  two techniques  “The Compassionate Listening and Dialogue Process”  from Nonviolent Communication techniques by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg and The Couples Dialogue Process by Harville Hendrix. 

These  skills are the best and easiest to learn technique for creating safety in relationships   Learning how to have a Couples Compassionate Dialogue is the first step for healing and offers  you a technique you can use for the rest of your life to set up a sanctuary or “ safety container.


 There are several safety containers in the Returning to Love Program dealing with unresolved grief, conflict, frustrations, anger and even rage.  Setting up a Safety Container gives you a safe place for you and your partner to dialogue and better listen and understand each other. 


Most couples argue over differing  judgements, thoughts, wants or differing strategies and demands.   Compassionate Dialogue teaches couples to focus on Observations, instead of Judgements, Feelings instead of Thoughts, Needs rather than “have to “strategies and wants, and making Vulnerable Requests rather than Demands. 


In our program, you along with or without your partner will learn to override your reactive behavior patterns both within yourself and with your partner.  These tools can be used therapeutically, in conflict situations, or in everyday conversation to help you better connect and have more meaningful relationships.


Our training model was developed from the past thirty years of the best relationship research from a number of successful therapies available on what it takes to have healthy relationships. We have put together a number of successful principles and skills from leading researchers to help couples, individuals and families resolve conflict and create safety and love. In a very few session you will understand your problems from a completely different point of view and know what to do with conflict and misunderstanding.

If You Are Ready To Learn A Lifetime of Skills To Improve The Quality of Your Relationship

Join us to have the relationship of your dreams, not your nightmares.

Benefits Include

  • Strengthen and Build Trust in Your Present or Future Relationships
  • Learn how to be Safe and Create Safety in Your Relationships.
  • Learn How To See Your Relationships as Soul Contracts.
  • Learn how to Avoid Defensive/Critical Communication Patterns.
  • Learn Effective Communication Tools That Result in You Being Seen For Who You Are.
  • Learn Skills to Be Heard, Understood and Appreciated while Creating More Aliveness and Authenticity.
  • Learn Communication Skills that Overcome and/or Dissolve Conflicts
  • Become a More Compassionate Listener for Yourself and Others.
  • Learn How to Better Listen and Assert Yourself in Difficult Moments.
  • Build Trust with Behavior Requests and Follow ThroughBehavior Review.
  • Learn How To Effectively Correct and Learn From Your Mistakes
  • Prevent Relationship Sabotage by Understanding Each Others Love Language
  • Understand Confusing Behavior Patterns As A Cry for Love from Unmet Past Wounds.
  • Learn how to Heal and Enrich the Quality of your Intimacy in your Relationships
  • Increase Your Ability to Meet Your Own Needs and the Needs of Others
  • Learn How to See Your Relationships as a Spiritual Path For Healing and Return to Wholeness.


The Language of

Feelings and Needs

Discover What Your Real Issues Are

(they’re not what you think)

Learn How To Safely Connect To Yourself and Your Partner

Re-Establish A Secure Bond

Learn How to Become More Authentic

Discover How To Be Present and Fully Engaged

Learn How To Be More Responsive With

True Natural Giving and Receiving

Find The Perfect Way

to Connect to Yourself and Others

Learn About:

Jackals vs. Giraffes

The Four Horse Men

Turtles and Lightening Bolts

Advanced Communication Skills

The Presence Process

The Imago Process

How to Self Care

The Soothing Process

The Three Rs of The Amends Process

Caring Behaviors

Love Language

Flooding (Tolerating Admiration)

Frustration Dialogue

Expressing Anger Safely

Rage Container

Behavior Change Request (BCR) 

BCR Reviews for Accountability

Compassionate Listening

Language of Aliveness

20/80 Rule

Partnership and Visioning Toward

Creating The Relationship of Your Dreams

Not Your Nightmares

Timothy J. Ryan Ph.D., D. Div. is a Mind, Body, Spirit Healer, Relationship Expert and Professional Faith Based Individual and Relationship Counselor.   He Specializes in Removing Barriers to Love and Teaching Effective Communication Skills to help Individuals and Couples Better Give and Receive Love

Contact Us

    Timothy J. Ryan, Ph.D D.Div.

    AIWP Miracles Ministry: A Private Ecclesiastical Association: All rights reserved. Any product description/statements on this website is for educational purposes only and is not relied on or recommended as a means of diagnosing or treating any illness. All matters concerning physical or mental health should be supervised by a health practitioner knowledgeable in treating that particular condition. We do not directly or indirectly dispense medical advice; nor do we prescribe any remedies or assume any responsibility for those who choose to treat themselves.